Hello! I am anxiety, do not be afraid… I come in peace. By the way, why are you so scared in my presence? I mean, I know you feel terrible every time I appear, you feel despair and you want to send me away, I know if you could… you’d kill me, especially because you think I’m the one who wants to kill you or hurt you, but believe me, if I’ve not killed you already, I never will. I’m not here to hurt you, much less drive you crazy. I think I have already shown you every time I come to your body: I make a mess and you get scared, but at the end of the day… I have not killed you, and you have not gone crazy. If I could, I would, but that’s not my plan.
The truth is that you appear and feel all that because I have not managed to find another way to make you listen to me; you were so busy trying to be successful, productive and show others that you are worthy of love… but you have not heeded my small signals. Remember all the times I gave you a headache? Or when you had insomnia? Or how about the time you cried and cried for no apparent reason? Well, all those times it was I trying to make you listen to me, but you didn’t, you went with your lifestyle, you kept with your own way of thinking… Then I tried something stronger, I made you shake, your hands sweat and your heart race… but you didn’t want to listen. Between us, we both know that you felt my presence, that’s why when you stayed quiet… or you stayed by yourself… you were starting to get nervous, as if something prevented you from staying still. You were desperate because you “did not understand” with your rational mind what was going on, and of course, with your rational mind you are not going to understand me.
So that’s why I gave up and decided to write. And I congratulate you if you are reading this, because it means you already have the courage to listen; and believe me, no one better than I knows your great ability to avoid me and run, fleeing from me as you would flee from a monster in a dark forest. Like these times when you avoid me getting distracted by spending hours in front of the TV, living the lives of others who you don’t know so you don’t have to face what you don’t like about your own life. Or those times when, with a couple of drinks, you could numb your nerves and restlessness; to say nothing of those other substances beyond drowsy, escaping from this reality you don’t want to face. Anyway, I hope you’re ready now to face your reality and finally listen. I hope you’re ready to face the truth of your life and yourself as it is, without masks, without shortcuts… unpretentious.
So here are things as they are… All I’ve been trying to say all this time, is that… it is time to evolve, you need to there is no choice. You need to create profound changes within yourself, because for some reason, you’re actually not enjoying your life and do not feel full. So I’m here to help you regain that wholeness that lives within you, and to achieve this, you have to get rid of what prevents you from reaching it. I’m here to help you do precisely what prevents you from reaching your sense of life and your passion for living, your joy and your true self which is your essence.
Every time I appear in your life, I do it because you yourself have not realized that you’re not being full and happy, so if I were to appear, do not panic… I get better when you thank me and listen to me. And if you really listen, you’ll soon make the changes you need in your life, you’ll make them immediately, of course, only if you really want to feel good again. It all depends on how much you want it. And I know you want it, yet I know you want to stay in your comfort zone to live with “the known” even though it hurts you. You prefer to continue to seek approval and acceptance of others, doing everything possible to get their attention, seeking safety in others but not in yourself; you prefer to think that others are responsible for your person more than yourself, and of course, I understand, we all want to go back to the womb and stop worrying about everything. But… I assure you, only entering a Temazcal (ancient sauna) you’ll get close to that experience. Meanwhile… you need to accept that you are responsible for you and only you can hear me, and when you listen and I know that you did, believe me I’ll go. Only you can make me go. And there is something very important that I want to tell you; I really will go as I see you’re making these changes in your life, when I see that you are in your evolution path and you’re willing to grow and recover yourself. Until then… I will continue here.
If I am here today, it is because you need me. You need me to change your way of interpreting your reality, which -let me tell you- is a bit distorted. You need to get rid of beliefs that don’t help and only limit you; you need to forgive all that anger you keep for your loved ones and allow your inner freedom. And above all, you need me to do what you love in life, to be yourself, and lose the fear of rejection or abandonment. You need me to start putting limits on people who hurt you, so you learn to value yourself and say “no”; stop begging for love from those who do not deserve yours; you need to stop relying on the existence of your partner to be happy; once and for all… you need to take care of your body! In what other way would you have paid attention to your body? You need to give it what it needs, stop criticizing your body and thank it for what it gives to you; make it sweat and move, keep your hormones balanced and sleep as many hours as you need. Why do you exploit yourself? Why do you push yourself so much? I don’t understand why you do that… you have everything, all the abilities you need to create your own reality, but you treat them like a slave, you’re too hard on yourself… and I’m here to ask you to stop doing that.
So you know … if you really want me to leave, take control of yourself, and ask yourself what you did that broke your inner balance. Ask yourself how much you really want to live and fight for that life, it’s your life and only you can fix it. If others don’t like it, it’s because you challenge them and eventually they will follow, and if not… give them another chance, and another, and another. You’re the only one who has control over yourself, so to take it back, you have to accept that you are lost, that’s why you let me express myself, I’m here to point out that all those horrible symptoms I developed were to tell you something very clear. But if you repress me and get distracted every time I show up… I will come back again but stronger.
So the next time you feel me coming, stop, close your eyes… let yourself feel everything and listen to what I am telling you, turn off your rational mind for a moment, let yourself go… and recognize me. Then start changing your life in clear and specific ways, and before you can blink, I will be gone. I hope I never have to come back into your life, but if I do… remember that I don’t want to hurt you, I want to help you find and follow your own evolutionary path, the path that will give you peace. And finally, I wish you could see me as I am: your essence. I am desperately yelling so you hear me. Please, hear me. So hello, I am you, speaking to you from the bottom of your heart, waiting desperately for your attention. What you feel is not a heart attack, it’s me, your essence that wants to be set free. ♥
- Original source (spanish): Fabiola Cuevas – desansiedad.com